Everyone loves a bouncy castle — right?

How the reaction to one mom’s recap of her first protest experience underscores the need to build welcoming communities, not exclusive ones.

DC photo by SWinxy, CC BY 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Saturday night, after getting my three year old into bed, I decided to go for a scroll through recaps of Hands Off rallies around the country. I gleefully showed my wife pics of clever signage, enjoyed reports of massive turnout, and felt a glimmer of hopeful optimism on a gloomy, wet New York day when participation in our own local rally just hadn’t been in the cards for our family. My kid is a confident city kid, but rolling with 100,000 people down Fifth Avenue on a rainy day wouldn’t have been “good trouble.” Probably just plain old “trouble.”

Then, I happened upon a Threads post that seemed to be going viral:

I chuckled a little bit. Point #1 was easy to visualize: a children’s drop zone for parents so kids could stay entertained while their parents did the work. I wondered what her sign said, and thought, yeah, more singing sounds nice. I, myself, am not a seasoned activist, either, and I was encouraged to see a parent choosing to participate for the first time.

As I continued to scroll, though, I realized the virality of the post was happening for a different reason altogether.

“[Name redacted], please say sike,” posted one commenter. [Note: I’m leaving out the names/handles of these users on purpose.]

“WHOLLY UNSERIOUS,” said another. “This is a big part of why we're in hell right now. These types who think they are doing the work and they are NOT. 🙃”

At some point in the timeline, a Threads user with 261,000 followers posted a screenshot of the original “bouncy castle” post, and another Threads user with 114,000 followers took issue with it. That’s when the discourse truly turned vicious — mainly between these two higher-profile personalities, but with many on the sidelines joining in.

Meanwhile, the woman who made the “bouncy castle” post ultimately shut down her Threads account. “That's how you get people to sit out the next protest,” one commenter wrote. “Did she stick her foot in her mouth? Absolutely, but she showed up. She likely won't next time.”

This was the sentiment that lingered with me. Look, I’m not here to defend what Mama Bouncy Castle wrote. I can completely understand the myriad reasons why folks would raise an eyebrow to that not-so-hot take on her first protest. But as a relative newcomer to the arena of “doing something” myself, I empathize with her. Since I started with Dads last summer, I perpetually struggle with imposter syndrome, working alongside seasoned operators in the political and organizing spaces. On a daily basis, I am terrified I’ll say or write or post the “wrong” thing, or be off-message in a way that alienates a constituency within our wider Dads audience. How do I cope? I remind myself that I was invited to be here. I have been welcomed into the community.

“The welcome mat for social movements isn't just about open doors but about whether newcomers feel they can make mistakes, ask questions, and still belong,” writes New York Times columnist Dr. Zeynep Tufekci in her book, Twitter and Tear Gas: The Power and Fragility of Networked Protest.

That state of belonging is even more tenuous, Tufecki writes, when the community is activating online: “Movement participants who are unfamiliar with the rapidly evolving language, norms, and references of online activist spaces often withdraw after experiencing confusion or embarrassment. The fear of public shaming for unintentional missteps creates a chilling effect that disproportionately silences newcomers and those from different cultural backgrounds.”

If a post I made for Dads for All garnered a reaction akin to “bouncy castle,” I would be sick to my stomach. Heck, just writing this post right now is giving me an anxious feeling! But I also know that I was invited to be here. I would have the support of my compatriots, and I know that I can always work with them to refine and hone my work. Each time I write and publish a piece like this one, my confidence grows, and I feel more and more a part of the Dads for All community.

Rather than being reactive, we’re thinking at Dads for All about how to be proactive, how to find purposeful, fitting ways for dads to get involved with our community. “The strongest predictors of sustained movement participation are whether individuals feel their authentic contributions are valued and whether they can establish meaningful social connections within the movement,” says Barnard college sociologist Debra Minkoff.

We plan to connect with dads around the country to help them build meaningful social connections with other dads. We want to hear from them about common-sense, localized solutions for the kitchen-table issues facing American families. And in working to give our families a better future, we also want to model exceptional social behavior for our children, inspiring them to be thoughtful citizens in the years to come. All dads are welcome. We’re going to do it while having a good time — we’re not building an army of dad protesters. We aim to grow a squad of joyful, purposeful dads who can articulate plain-spoken, no-nonsense responses, both to the problems of the day and to the charlatans selling fake solutions.

If we engage in movement gatekeeping or purity tests, though, our Dads movement will be finished before it starts. Dads for All sage Garrett Bucks just shared this post from journalist Katherine Goldstein that brilliantly captured the opportunity for community building: “In an ideal world, you may be able to find a community that meets between 75-90% of your practical needs and also aligns with your values 75-90% of the time. This is the absolute best ratio you can realistically hope for…. ‘Perfect’ is the enemy of connection.”

After all, we’re still chasing “a more perfect union,” amirite?